School Fail

According to my form tutor UCAS reference, I play a wide variety of extra-curricular sport, particularly basketball, football and tennis. I also achieved bronze level at the Duke of Edinburgh awards.
I am outraged that the secret of my amazing sporting prowess is out in the open. Now I might as well tell everyone how I play piano to a professional level, in between singing in the West End and playing Dr. Kelso on Scrubs. All this while suffering a huge amount of prejudice for being a tall, black man with obscenely blond hair.
Yes, that's right, my entire life has been an elaborate lie. The things you learn about yourself from reading your UCAS reference. It may not have been her fault, but I have no idea how I'm going to sit through a meeting about my drama progress tomorrow without throwing things at my form tutor and crying. Or at least, you know, mentioning it.